Archive | May, 2013

Gramma and the girl

28 May

One day after March 11th in 2011, my grandmother said in a dinner, “that girl in the TV we saw, lost all her family, and… such a poor girl, it makes me cry”. My mom asked her “But wasn’t there many children like that during the war time?” Grandmother herself had lost all her family except one elder sister in Tokyo bombing.

“Well, that was that kind of time. It was kind of natural”. Then grandfather added, “I never thought I would live more than twenty years… but once the war was over, now I didn’t want to die!” he laughed.

Perhaps gramma saw herself in that child in the TV, though she probably would not admit.

I won’t be political. That’s something I have decided. But that may mean I should face individuals more, and not only observe but record them. I am now thinking of writing biographies of my grandmas. Granddads have already written some by themselves (upon I and mom’s request), but I don’t think that will happen to the ladies. Mom’s interested, but she’s not the spirit for writing or editing… so I must take the initiative.

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My recent psychological adventure

15 May

I’m not sure if I’d written this here before, but my mental biorhythm pattern in the past couple of years has been to have a very low-tuned first half a year, and then uprising second half a year. It has been more dramatic in the recent years, and while I had accepted it as something unavoidable, it was also pretty drowning to go through such a depressive first half a year, and had wished to get out of it.

When I went back to Japan in the second half of March, I was made to realise how lonely I was feeling in India. Inevitable, I guess. Where families consist so much the core of the society, however close you become to people, the level of integrity you get has limitation. Well, about this, actually now I have people I feel more close to, those who don’t make me feel so detached. So it’s okay.

But the general stress you receive here is much higher than anywhere I was used to. So, that and the other factor, plus the fact that I am working in a company stroke me all together. That is how I got so worn out. And I realised the degree I was depressed only when I got back to Japan. Is it not an irony? I never had thought Japan to be a place of relief.

Anyway, the point is- after two weeks in Japan, I made up my mind to resolve this situation. That is to face all the traumas and problems my mental body has, and somehow overcome, get rid of and cure them. I wanted to become a better being. So I did.

I
t was a month process. I should have kept record here too, now I don’t remember so much. The two major points were when I encountered a masculine person in myself- who hated me! – and when I realised that I had wanted to become somebody else. I won’t go into details, it will bore you, and I am writing this just to update me to some of my close friends. You just need to know that I have overcome something very big; and that now I am bright and powerful again.

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…Thank you for the birthday wishes, by the way.