Archive | March, 2013

winter

8 Mar

Language has always been my doorway to the cultures. There were discriminations in Australia, but I worked hard on the language, and I didn’t feel as much when I left there; perhaps only just so much as when I am in Japan. Even at your ‘native’ place, there are prejudices and discrimination.

So I think that kind of thing again is going to be a strong driving force for my language learning. I want to become competent in Malayalam so that I can actually talk to people. I need time. I want to learn more.

It’s a time when sadness comes very often. But in other words, it’s just that. I guess it’s a good friend. I like it better than anger. It’s that kind of time, and it’s not that I am never happy. There are nice moments and even excitements. It’s just a matter of season and climate. It is my winter season, when you can enjoy the warmth of heater at times.

Sad?

4 Mar

Often I wonder how to control emotions when you are feeling really sad. Well normally, let it be so and after a while it will turn out fine; but whereas for some people these things are very subtle, in my case it strikes quite apparently and I get scared it may affect others. Also it seems to draw some other sad things about life too.

Just like how small things make you happy (e.g. birds and squirrels out in the garden plucking on the soil, nice and soft sunlight coming in to your room, my nails are clean, and etc), small things disappoint you so badly. It is always small things that matters.

Perhaps ‘sad’ and ‘disappointment’ are too nice words to employ. They obscure my own responsibility for the situation which arouse the emotion. What if I say ‘upset’ ‘anger’ ‘hatred’ … those words?

Sometimes the causes don’t even matter. It’s purely my own condition. And it’s just so hard to tell why.