Archive | December, 2012

Lanaguage to heart

29 Dec

It seems certain that my language ability on poetic side has been much degrading.
Well, I mean, I don’t know. Maybe it has ever been at this level, but I never got to notice it.

Tonight, I read the first chapter of Lefthand of Darkness after a long time, only to realise that nothing was properly coming to my head; so I ended up reading aloud everything. It worked. I also realised that I wasn’t really understanding anything the last time I read it.

The connection between words/language and my being/soul/spirit/atman has become one of my main topics these days.
I feel the connection more, even when I am singing some stupidist songs in Japanese, than when I am singing a lovely song in English.

That beats me up! Just think how much I have become comfortable with the language in daily life- but still not up to singing in my true sense. And I am, right now, learning vocal music- in another language!

So I guess singing is a peculiar, special, and core kind of language activity. But then, that is precisely the reason why I am so drawn to singing now… especially classical, old type of singing. Purely as a music, I would actually prefer instrumental. Yet there is something that is only present in vocal, which cannot be separated from language….

I can only work on.


28 Dec

A while ago I attended a poetry reading session of Gary Snyder and Shuntaro Tanigawa.
Last year, I was still in Japan. I knew nothing about Gary Snyder then, although I was a huge fan of Tanigawa.

I must confess that, the poetry itself was not so easy for me to grasp from just one hearing (perhaps partly due to my not being so used to American English). However, there was something about his presence and talk that gave deep impression to me.

This morning I came to find an article about Tetsuo Nagasawa and Nanao Sakaki, and then as I searched about them, again I encountered the name of Gary Snyder.

I’m not going to discuss Gary Snyder’s poetry. I don’t know enough yet.

But the way those people were/are connected gives me much inspiration and hope, to how we may be able to live.

I and friends are primarily women, and perhaps much more practical and conforming to the society, than those extraordinary men. Yet the way we are conscious and interested in the world, and how we feel connected, I think, somehow have things in common.

We can only prove it through time. We are still young (I insist!). I just hope you and they will not mind my looking for some inspiration and hope from them.

craving for good stories

26 Dec

Suddenly I am remembering my home in Japan. When I was sitting, almost lying, on a sofa at night alone, under yellowy light. Without any disturbing noise.

This is not so much my longing for family, because in reality, once any of the family members come back, such tranquility was destroyed. They will turn on the TV, and that’s the end. I hate the noise of TV, especially Japanese TV. I will never miss it.

But certainly it was the safety provided by the presence of family and home, that gave me such secure feeling. Also the warmth of home at winter time was something special. Those things, I do miss.

In such an environment, I would read books, and get absorbed into the stories… recently, I have trouble with it. I do still read, but I do not get such comfort and security that I used to get.

I miss my home where I could simply soak myself into stories… I guess I am getting something similar out of theatres and performances, but they are still something different, given that I cannot be unaware of the public surroundings.

It is either I change the environment, or change my own lifestyle. There seem to be chances for both. See how it goes.

I am craving for good stories.

Anger and wash-away=poetry

19 Dec

I’ve been thinking. Anger has been invading the core of my being. Not something very visible that explodes periodically. It is harming my emotions quietly yet in strong force.

In some ways or other, I know where it comes from. It is because I do not feel that I am a part of anybody else.

But that aside. Often it starts from my feeling some kind of injustice. That is, actually, pretty normal, and normally I would not take up any issue with it. Often there is very little that I can do. I cannot be bothered to have drama with everything.

However, still, sometimes, something simply pulls the trigger. Unexpectedly. And everything is suddenly so stirring!

And then, I was thinking, that I somehow seemed not wanting to let go of this anger. This state lasted for a couple of days. At the same time, I was also aware of times when I can be free of these thoughts and anger- when I am completely soaked into singing.

Anyway, the thought went on… and still goes on. My feeling now is that, eventually, I will feel to let go of the angers. The matter is just that, how to reach that stage.


This is the next day. Guess what. The anger is gone.
I read some tanka poems of my favorite poet… Bokusui. Then most things were washed out. It just made me realize the power of poetry.

One of his famous ones goes like;

“Is the white bird not sad, wandering in the blues, never coloured by the sky nor the sea”

You may want to convert ‘white bird’ to seagull or some other bird, and the ‘wandering’ to some other terms… the actual meaning of the original is to ‘drift’. ‘drifting without being died by the sky blue nor the ocean blue’ would be a literal translation. I went somewhere between the literal and liberal translation. Anyway, I hope you could picture it…