Archive | March, 2012

fever

9 Mar

I consume my time at office making some simulations of how I burst out my complaints to some random officers, or randomly imagining my suing the company for all the stress caused, so that I can get a lot of money before I leave here. Nonsense? But it’s at least better than leaving myself in some agony and annoyance that I cannot convey to anyone.

***

Katha … stories … are waiting to be told.
I am in deep thirst for stories
That can water the drought in my spirit
But to reach an oasis I must thrive hard…
I must walk through the desert.
So I go.

***

It is loneliness rather than solitude that affects me now. Suddenly it turned out to be so. I wonder why. Even in the most miserable moments I’ve experienced in Japan, somehow I was never as lonely… at least I did not conceive things that way.

It is probably just because there is nothing to hide from me the fact… everything is raw and exposed. I am almost forced to face and deal with the reality as such.

The annoying function of this world often tells me I have my share, when I am almost convinced that there is nothing that cares me at all. Suddenly I am told that I am a part of some others’ world, not as a property but as myself, and then I am once again bound to everything that holds me back and takes my breath away.

*

Working for a corporation is about cutting and selling my time; I mean it. I get amazed by how people can live this way… how most people are happy and content to live this way.

*

Kerala is mostly designed for families. That I can say with utter confidence. It is not like… hey friend, do you want to café with me this weekend? No, weekends are for families… (That’s why I always get away from this place, to see those whom I actually know) People tell me so easily to get a boyfriend or a husband here. But think about it, it is so odd here for an unmarried woman and an unmarried man to walk together, just by the two of them. Then how do you get to know each other? Would you tell me to be nice to those random guys who talk to me on streets just because I’m a foreigner, and because they have no courage to talk to their country girls? I don’t like talking to male strangers much anyway. I have some unusual intolerance to men in general… or is this a message to get over that?

***

Annie,
When I read your words I feel like hearing you
And I feel your company.
I wish I could write letters…
Only wish there was no national borders nor requirements for money,
Then I could’ve just flied! Away! From this office cage
And find a little hut in a forest where I can write.
Or it can be a café run by some gentle bear who serves me honey tea
(and perhaps a mead for you).
I wish there were no borders.

***

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a dog bite

6 Mar

Last Thursday a dog bit me.
A house dog. People weren’t worried, and
it wasn’t so paining, so I forgot about it for about a day.
Then suddenly I realised the risk.
But I wasn’t sure…do diseases really need to be avoided?
by those artificial ‘injections’, that
insert unknown materials directly into your blood?
But rabies seem radically painful.
And my colleagues were agonised to hear that I was bitten…
to them I could not tell any of my feelings…
and so I got injections.

*

I always wonder the whole point of being here
in this world,
but anyway I am only ready to live, suffer and survive…
why?
I don’t know.
I keep my journey to sing, sing and sing
absorb
and one day to master the art…
I envy how songs are alive here,
actually alive, in people’s heart, in their lives.
But these songs
are what give me the reason to be here
and wipe away all the unfairness, injustice, anger and sadness
I experience in this world.

*

Like plucking a string, utter a sound
and without force the pitch will change.
That is how it’s meant to be.

***

(c)2012 Tomomi